I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
