You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
