Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
