The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My vagina just recognized that song.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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