I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
