How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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