Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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