He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
