My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
