He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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