I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
