Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
