Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
