It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dicks are not precious.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
