I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
