just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
