sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize