Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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