its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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