As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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