Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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