I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
