I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There r osticjed everywhere
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
