Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Found your dick twin last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
