I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
