The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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