Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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