called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
