everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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