If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
