no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
