i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
