when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize