Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
