when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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