I understand Curling. That high.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
