You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
