she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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