I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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