Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
