I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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