I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize