he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
