He had one of those small greek statue penises
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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