Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
