think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
