So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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