My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize