so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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