Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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