she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize