I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
