Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
