Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize