Sry I called you an 8
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She announced her abortion via fbk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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