I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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