so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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