You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she smelled like a LAN party
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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