direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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