I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
