I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
