Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
