i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
