I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize