Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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