I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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