I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
