I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
