Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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