Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
