so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
