Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
