just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
